Conscious Communication:- A guide to emotional wellbeing

How many times you have noticed that people have a tendency to make a mountain out of a molehill. Just because they lack the art of communication, the relationships become sour, there are constant fights creating more rift and stress. Hence it is important to learn the art of Conscious Communication. Conscious communication is a skill and not a talent and hence it can be acquired if we put an effort to learn it.

Conscious Communication is our ability to clearly and compassionately communicate with ourselves as well as others. It is our ability to think wisely and stop that nonstop chatter which goes in our own mind. It is our ability to remove the negative self-talk and whining from our vocabulary which makes us feel like a victim and hurts our self-esteem. Our emotional well-being depends on how we communicate with our selves as well as with others. Conscious communication teaches us to respond calmly to any person or a situation like a mature adult instead of reacting. It is a skill which we can acquire and also it teaches us to respond to any situation with a mature attitude instead of a fight or flight reaction. Once we acquire this skill it not only reduces stress and improves our emotional well-being but it also enhances our social well-being and improves our relationships.

Here is the 5 step process to improve Conscious Communication:-

Step 1:- What happened

When something goes wrong, take a few deep breaths. It will help you calm down. Then mentally review the whole situation as a 3rd person who is neutral and ask your self what happened? Count till 10 if needed so that you can gain emotional stability.

• Come to the present moment

If this event is reminding you of an unpleasant past, just taking a few deep breaths and count till 10 will help you come back to the present moment. Stay grounded. Looking outside the window and seeing nature is a great way to calm down. Close your eyes and say to yourself that whatever happened before is in the past and not present. This situation is not the repetition of the past.

• Describe the facts of the situation from the 3rd parties’ point of view

Give as much details as possible and identify triggers. Also, don’t judge yourself or anyone else. Keep a neutral perspective. Develop a pure and non-biased heart.

Step 2:- How am I feeling

Describe your feelings choosing words that describe your core emotions instead of words that reinforce feelings of victimization. Avoid words like Cheated, Abadonded, Betrayed, Manipulated, Used, Unappreciated, Let down, Overworked, Unwanted, etc.

Step 3:-

What do I need that I’m not receiving? Consider the four fundamental human needs of attention, affection, acceptance, and appreciation.

Step 4:-What am I asking for?

Identify the specific behaviors or actions that would fulfill your needs. At the same time understand that the person you are dealing with is not perfect. They might be able to fulfill your needs or might not be able to fulfill them. Hence it is important to surrender to the uncertainty, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and ask for what you need. Observe the response of the other person from a state of calm awareness

Step 5:- What is the gift or opportunity in this situation?

No matter how the situation unfolds, it’s important to look deeply at the experience and what we learned. Either the person you are dealing with will understand your point of view and might be able to meet your expectations. This will be a win-win situation. It is a Glow moment. In case if this is not possible, you can use the journaling technique and list what you learned from this situation. This will be your Grow moment. In either way, it will be a great experience as you will either win or grow.

Even when we all know the sure-shot path to improve Conscious communication, we might face challenges in acquiring this skill. Most of the time people fail to cultivate this skill is because of a few reasons like:-

• Emotional conditioning due to upbringing:-

While growing up sometimes we have seen our parents and other adults behave in a certain manner. This made us believe that it is natural and normal to behave the way our parents used to behave.

• Stress:-

We live in a very competitive, fast, and stressful world. Stress is the major root cause of emotional issues. It makes people angry, irritated, and upset on minor issues. Under stress, people just react instead of responding calmly. At the same time, this is not an excuse for our poor behavior.

• Reacting to any situation due to prior life experiences:-

Often times in life we have been betrayed or taken advantage of or lied to. These negative situations are engraved in our brains and have created a permanent belief system. When similar situations happen again, they trigger old memories and at that time most of the people forget to stay calm. They immediately lash out or isolate themselves to protect themselves from being hurt again.

• Unmet emotional need:-

Sometimes people are just upset because they have an unmet emotional need. That need can be anything like need to be appreciated or need to receive unconditional acceptance and love. We human beings have 4 basic needs which are attention, acceptance, appreciation, and affection. When these needs are not met, we experience emotional turbulence and at the same time, we need to understand that the person we are dealing with is also not perfect. They also came in the relationship with their own emotional baggage and how can a relationship between 2 imperfect people be perfect? Conscious communication is our ability to maturely communicate our needs to other people without feeling like a victim.

Tips on Overcoming Challenges:-

• Journaling to Release Stress

• STOP method - Stop, take a deep breath, observe your feelings and thoughts without judgment, and then proceed to make a choice with love and compassion.

• Visualize a stop sign in your mind to calm down before lashing out

• Take a deep breath and count till 10 before speaking when upset.

•Consciously form a habit to follow above mentioned 5 step process

• Meditation, Yoga, and Pranayama. This is a sure shot method to calm an overactive mind.

•Spending time in nature, Exercise

We saw how we can improve our relationships and emotional wellbeing by changing the way we deal with and communicate with others. At the same time, we must also change the way we talk with our selves. We must stop the self-sabotaging negative self-talk and constant chatter in our minds. Replace negative self talk with positive self-talk. Always remind yourself about your strengths, count your blessings, remind yourself of your past victories, and develop attitude of gratitude.

Daily self check questions to focus on self-love:-

Am I getting enough rest?

How am I feeling today?

Am I always uplifting myself?

What am I doing for self-care and self-love?

What am I grateful for?

Am I nourishing myself with the right food and the right experiences?

Do I have work-life balance?

As your life and productivity coach, I can help you develop this skill of conscious communication. Feel free to click here and schedule a free discovery call.