Don’t be a Piñata : A guide to emotional stability

While growing up, all of our family gatherings ended with me crying as I was always ridiculed and made fun of. I was a highly emotionally sensitive child so everyone would tease me and I would cry easily. It was like people entertained themselves at my expense. When I tried to stand up for myself, I was called blunt, difficult to deal with, someone who tries to pick fights, is stubborn, a cry baby. Day by day I became introverted, irritable, and developed emotional instability. The more irritated I became, the more fun it was for people. It seemed that they were always looking forward to these gatherings so that they can entertain themselves at my expense. Something which was innocent fun for them was leaving an emotional scar on me and as a result, my self-esteem took a beating. As a child and teenager, I did not realize that people who make fun of others are battling their own inner demons. They have very low self-esteem and the only way they can feel good about themselves is by putting others down. Years went by and now that I have grown up and invested in my personal development, I have realized that when people make fun of me or my looks; it is not about me. No one in their stable state of mind will laugh at someone else’s expense. It is all about them and their sick mentality. As I mentioned earlier, people who have very low self-esteem will try to make others feel bad so that they can feel good. These social bullies thrive at the expense of others. Their self-esteem goes up when they pull someone else down so I no longer feel bad. I pity them.

So, from personal experience, I understand how you feel when you face similar situations in life. I know how it feels to be like a Piñata, where everyone else is having fun while you are taking an emotional beating. Well, this blog is not about me but, rather it is about those who have been in the same boat as me. I am going to give you some tips on how to face social bullies, critics, naysayers and maintain your emotional stability.

First and foremost, whenever someone is making fun of you or your ideas, remember it is not about you. Pity them. If someone has any physical illness, wouldn’t you have sympathy for them? Social bullying is an emotional and psychological illness since no one in their stable mind would have fun at someone else’s expense. So have sympathy for them.

This does not mean that you let them beat you up as if you are a Piñata. Hence, it is important to develop some healthy boundaries. Tell them how you feel. Be polite yet firm as we do not need to stoop down at their level. Give them 3 chances and if you do not see any improvement, distance yourself from them. If they are a close family member and you cannot distance yourself physically, then just like a knife snips off a rotten part of a vegetable or fruit, you snip them off mentally and emotionally. The real estate of your brain is more expensive than the real estate of Honolulu and NYC. There is no room for non-paying tenants who are liabilities. Learn emotional detachment. Meditation helps to gain emotional stability. It will bulletproof you and make you indifferent.

Develop self-love and self-respect. Never ever put yourself down. Watch your thoughts. Read positive mental attitude books. Increase your self-worth. Seek out mentorship or professional help if needed. When you love yourself, it will reflect in your attitude. No one will have the guts to mess with you because you respect yourself and have similar expectations from others.

Whenever you face someone who is making fun of you or criticizing you or your ideas, you don’t need to defend yourself or your ideas. Just tell yourself, it is their opinion and while they have the right to have an opinion, their opinion is far from true. I tell myself in my mind, “Ignore them” repeatedly till I gain emotional stability and am able to respond tactfully.

If someone stoops down to a lower level, you take the high road. Don’t stoop down to their level. Their behavior depends on their virtues. You don’t have to lower your standards and waste your time arguing. Success is revenge. This reminds me of a story, which I would like to share with you. The only bird that will peck at an Eagle, is the crow. He sits on his back and bites his neck. The Eagle does not respond or fight with the crow. It doesn't waste time or energy on the crow. It simply opens its wings and begins to rise higher in the sky. The higher the flight, the harder it is for the crow to breathe.  Eventually, the crow falls due to a lack of oxygen. Stop wasting your time with the crows. Just take them to your heights and they'll fade. May you fly at new heights.

Last but not least, here is food for thought. What will you do if your neighbor comes to your home and dumps garbage right on your living room carpet? You obviously will get mad and make sure the carpet is professionally cleaned and the neighbor is paying for it. If you care so much about your home and carpet, would you let anyone dump garbage in your brain? Sadly, a lot of people do not protect/care about their brain as much as they care about their home or clothes. Some people are personally responsible for putting garbage in their brains. Your brain is your asset, protect it. Do not let anyone put negative in your brain. You are a beautiful creation of God and you deserve the best because you are the best.