How to overcome fear of rejection
Fear of rejection is the main reason why people do not reach their fullest potential. A baby is born with only 2 fears. Fear of loud sound and fear of falling. Rest all fears like fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of public speaking, fear of confined spaces, fear of heights, fear of bugs, fear of animals, fear of water are acquired due to our environment and upbringing.
After giving deep thought on this topic of Fear of Rejection, I have learned ( after studying self-help books and material from renowned authors and visionaries ) that fear of rejection has a deep-rooted cause.
We are evaluating the deep-rooted cause for fear of rejection because it is the major factor that stops people from achieving their fullest potential. People don’t take calculated risks or just live in the rut because they have a fear of what will others think of them.
If we introspect, we will realize that fear of rejection comes from a deep desire to fit in or a deep desire to be liked by everyone or a deep desire to seek approval. Fear of rejection comes from a deep desire of seeking approval from others. Don’t get me wrong here. Everyone including me loves approval but there is a difference between liking approval and needing one. I too like praise from others, I too like applause and cherish it but I don’t need it so that I can love myself. I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself the way I am. 10 years back, I was the one who had a fear of rejection. I needed to fit in but today I am confident and believe in myself and hence I like approval but I don’t need it. If people don’t praise me, I will not go into depression, nor will my self-esteem reduce. That’s the difference between liking approval and needing approval. I don’t think that my existence depends on how many people like me or approve what I do or say or wear. Approval seeking leads to emotional imbalance. When people seek approval from others, they are telling themselves that what that person thinks of me is more important than what I think about myself. This deep desire to fit in is due to a lack of self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence. We can also call it, lack of self-love.
Approval seeking also leads to rifts in relationships. People tend to get upset with someone who does not approve of their ideas. That’s when we have to sit back and introspect. Why do we ruin relationships just because we are different? Isn’t that how we all are supposed to be as humans? We are not robots who are all same. We are all humans and we all have differences. The difference of opinions. This approval seeking syndrome makes us so much dependent on approvals of others that before we realize, this difference of opinions turns into the difference of hearts.
Sometimes people are so much addicted to approvals of others that they let others control them or manipulate them just so that those people will like them.
Also, this approval syndrome is a major reason, why people are not happy in their life. If we depend on everyone for our happiness, we can never be happy. Happiness is not something we get when someone likes our profile picture on social media or when someone praises us or when someone approves how we look /how we talk/how we live. We have to be happy in our skin, we have to cherish ourselves and find joy in everything. As Dr. Wyane Dyer once said, “There is no way to happiness, Happiness is the way of life”. It’s a choice and if we intentionally choose joy, we will attract more things which will give us joy.
People get into financial disaster as well due to this approval-seeking syndrome. This can have a major impact on your overall well-being. We shall talk about it in our next blog. People buy things which they don’t need with the money which they don’t have to impress people they don’t like.
Fear of rejection is closely tied with fear of failure. In my humble opinion, our society and educational system are responsible for this. As per our society and our educational system it is not okay to fail. We have defined success as a lack of failure but in reality, success emerges from failure as long as we learn from it and make corrections. Failure is a stepping stone to success. It is okay to fail but it is not okay to quit. The route to success is something like this:- Try, Fail, learn, correct, work, succeed.
So how to overcome the fear of rejection and develop self-acceptance? Here are a few tips:-
Look in the mirror and talk to yourself. Do some positive uplifting self-talk.
Invest in your self-esteem. Read some great books to improve your self-esteem.
Action cures fear. Even if you are afraid of rejection, act. This is the best way to overcome any fear.
I have used this technique to overcome my fear of approaching any stranger. When I have to talk to a stranger I use 10 seconds rule. I start counting down from 10 in my mind and I say hello as soon as I reach 0.
I tell myself, I am not going to die if someone rejects my idea or if someone doesn’t want to say hello to me. Their loss. They lost an opportunity to know a wonderful person like me.
Practicing gratitude for things that we have is the best way to develop self-acceptance. Know that you are worth everything. Indulge in self-love, try gifting yourself small treats without ruining your finances just because you enjoy it.
Count your blessings. Learn to appreciate what you have. Make a list of your blessings. Learn to be grateful for small things. Developing Self acceptance is the best way to get rid of approval-seeking behavior.
Think about some ideas which work for you and put them in the comments but don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from achieving your fullest potential. Contact me if you are want to overcome your limitations and improve your productivity. Wishing you all a very productive 2020.